After my ectopic pregnancy, I experienced several different feelings and emotions. However “anger” was the most present emotion during that time. I was angry with God, angry with the doctors, angry with myself, angry with the hospital…I was angry at the world. I did not want to be bothered with phone calls or emails from family or friends, nor did not want to pray or read the bible. This was my entitlement. All I wanted to do was sit in silence, and reflect on what had just happened.
After a few days I felt myself slipping into depression, and I knew that I could not hold on to these feelings much longer. I knew that I needed to pray, and get into the word of God. I knew that I needed Gods comfort and peace. It is funny thinking about it now because I remember my mind was saying… “Nope I don’t want to talk to you God, but on the other hand my heart was thirsting for Him.”
I received a phone call from a woman who had just experience losing a child as well the same day as me. Honestly this was the only reason I answered her call. I knew that I needed to encourage her and that during this time I needed to consider her more than myself. We were sharing our stories with each other, and she was telling me how our babies were in heaven with God and that she was finding peace with knowing that. However as she was talking, I felt nothing but anger. I could not even encourage her and she end up trying to encourage me most of the conversation. When we finally got off the phone I felt so bad for not being able to offer her any words of encouragement in return. I began to cry and realized that it was time to be intentional with letting go of my anger.
One of the very first scriptures I was drawn to was located in the first chapter of Job. One of the reasons I decided to read in Job was because I felt that it was relatable to my situation. I have heard that most Christians like to read Job when they are in crisis because they find hope in the conclusion of the book when Job gets back everything he lost. However I believe that God wanted to show me the story in a different way. In chapter one we see that Job had just found out that he had lost everything. He lost his property, all of his wealth, and most importantly his children. Still Job response was quite different than any average human, particularly mines. In verses 20-21 it states that when he received this heartbreaking news this was his response.
“Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”
Amazing, you may be thinking! However, Job was one of the original action characters in the movie Avengers so this is why he was able to endure in the midst of his storm and still worship God. Not! I know for a fact that as a follower of Christ, this should be my same response. On the other hand, I understand more than some, that it is much easier said than done. Yet we must remember that the word of God never promised us an easy life. In fact he guaranteed us that we would face various trials and tribulations;
James 1:2-4: Count it all joy, my brothers,[a] when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
…. But he tells us to count it all joy!
As a follower of Christ, will I be tempted to turn my back on God in the mist of trials and tribulations? Sure. As a follower of Christ, will I doubt God’s sovereign plan for my life? Sure. The point I am trying to make is that yes, even believers will face tribulation. However wouldn’t it be nice if our first response was like Jobs, where when we heard devastating news we fell to the floor and worshiped!
I believe that Job responded like this not because he was a “Super Christian,” but because he feared the Lord. No, not “fear” like I am afraid; however fear like, I honor you as the Sovereign ruler over my life. Here we see that even though he grieved the loss of his children and things, as displayed by the tearing of his rob and the shaving his head. Yet he trusted God, which was observed by him falling to the ground to worship.
We may not understand things that happen in our life, but we MUST trust that God is sovereign over all things in your life!
Other Resources :
Also please enjoy this awesome sermon by John Piper on Gods Sovereignty