This is a BIG NO NO. First, I will start by saying that no one can change the heart of a person outside of Christ. So if you start dating an individual that have “flaws” and “malfunctions” that you are not particularly interested in, then do not date them… I REPEAT… Do not date them. I say this so boldly because soooooooooo many people over look things in the beginning of a relationship thinking… “O I can change that” or “I can get use to that”… just to say they are in a relationship. However, the next thing you know… you are walking down the aisle with Steve Urkel or Scary Krueger and you don’t know how the hack you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person. Now I am not saying that the individual need to be perfect… But ladies, if he is controlling in the courtship; your pancakes and fried chicken will not keep you away from his control and abuse during marriage…RUN! And men, if she is hacking your facebook and checking your emails… this is not cute behavior… RUN!
2. Thou shall not give up the goodies
I should not need to explain the reason why this is a huge NO NO for two people professing to love Christ. However for the individuals this slipped by, let me just say that having sex before saying “I Do” will destroy your life (okay maybe not your life, but you get the point)!!! First, if you are a believer you are told to flee sexual immorality in 1 Corinthians 6:18. So if you slip up and do any sexual acts before marriage, you both will feel HORRIABLE for disobeying your heavenly father (don’t believe me… try it). Also sexual immorality may jeopardize your relationship with that person. Now the man is looking at the women like she is truly the “fall of man”, and he may also lose a little respect for her; and now the woman is looking at the man like he is her adversary who comes to kill, steal, and destroy her. It is not a good feeling
3. Thou shall not act like it’s a ring on it
(I say this as I shake my head and place it in my right hand) Acting like you are married before you get married, will never lead to marriage! I see this so many times with Christian couples, and I don’t blame you. I did this at one point in my courtship with David. It is so easy to fall prey to the thought of “this is how marriage will be”. Fellas start dreaming about her thighs (her cooked fried chicken people, smh) that he can have once they get married, and ladies start dreaming about all the sleep overs, late movie nights, and matching outfits. HOWEVER this can be destructive for two reasons. First, this can lead to sexual immorality and as mentioned earlier we know where that can lead. Second, it can lead to you dealing with marriage issues designed for marriage and not courtship. Now you two are fighting over bills, future In- Laws, bad cooking, and kids! Who does that outside of marriage lol. Aint nobody got time for that. So one of you will be dipping aka leaving, because chances are you want to avoid that argument in marriage…Go figure!
4. Thou shall love each other… like sister and brother
Ladies: Just check out my article at Bannerofmodesty.com If These are my Brothers
Fellas: Just check out my article at Bannerofmodesty.com If These are my Brothers and just read it like you were reading If These are my Sisters lol. No for real, Fellas please be careful when pursuing and courting a young woman. Do not lead her on, be gentle with her heart, and remember that until you say “I Do” she is still your sister in Christ, so treat her with respect and love.
5. Thou shall not stay the night or move in
Smh… I want to say Duhhhhhhhh! However for the supper saved, I can’t be tempted Saints… this goes out to you, you, and you (in my Usher voice). She is still a WOman and he is still a MAN. You both still have parts, which once attached together can still make babies. Now I know I said to see each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, but don’t fool yourself to thinking that you cannot be tempted. This is just not wise and you do not want to put yourself in any uncompromising situations that would cause you to part take in behavior that is not pleasing to Christ, nor do you want to portray anything that can cause another brother and sister to fall.
6. Thou shall not force marriage on the other one
Hmmmmmm… how can I say this! Okay, just follow this one simple rule; If the other individual always change the subject, is unresponsive, or never looks you in the eye when you bring up marriage… chances are they don’t want to get married…to you! So stop bringing it up, talking about it, or mentioning other couples who just got married. Ladies, you constantly talking about marriage can cause two things, an immature wedding proposal with an empty wedding date or a ticket straight back to singlehood. Fellas, just be prayerful. Really prayerful. Also remember, God is not the author of confusion. He cannot say that this month Beth is your wife, and next month Kelly is your wife. It just does not work like that. Don’t blame God, it’s you!!!!
7. Thou shall confess to 1 Corinthians 7:9, instead of saying “God told me to”
Marriage is a huge commitment. Never the less, I hear this and see this sooooo MUCH now days. “God told us to get married.” Blank face. Really! Or could it be you are ready to have sex and just burning with passion. Come on now, I can respect a couple saying, “we really are just ready to have sex so we are deciding to have a wedding in two days”…Rather than, “God told us to get married in two days because he just told us to do that”… Blank face. Now I do believe that God can show you that this is your spouse and I do believe a wedding can be done in two days. If that is his plan for your life, who am I to say otherwise. However call me old fashion, but I believe that some marriage counseling should be sought; and I do believe that some level of sexual self-control should be obtained before you say “I Do”. If you cannot keep your hands off each other nor control your sexual thoughts around each other… then I have to ask what your motives are. If it is just to have sex, then baby by. Sex will not keep you happy in marriage…It gets real after you say “I Do”! Christ, Good Communication, and a True Friendship are the only things that can lead to a successful marriage.
8. Thou shall fellowship with other believers
Me: “Why is your relationship a secret again?”
You: “Well we seeking God on a few things before we share our news”
Me: “Ooooooo you don’t want accountability in other words… I see”
You: Blank Face
Me: Next BOM dating commandment please!
9. Thou shall not say I love you first…Ladies!
Now this is a personal decision. However, I was told by a wise woman (clear throat) Candice Jackson lol, that as a woman you should always be in the position where the man is pursuing you and you are not pursuing him. So saying I love you first may throw the entire game of cat and mouse off, making you seem like the aggressor. However, in more serious cases the man could lose interest because now the thing he was chasing has surrendered and what’s the point of continuing the chase. But to give you hope… after about four months of dating my husband, accompanied by a warm summer night hahaha I gave in and said I love you first. I felt so stupid… but I knew it was real. He was quiet for a while, but he said it back and we did get married lol. So the moral of the story is… Idk lol… Just follow your heart, but don’t be thirsty!
10. Thou shall put no other God first
Just Meditate on this when you feel yourself consumed with your relationship:
1 And God spoke all these words, saying, 2 “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. 3 “You shall have no other gods before me. 4 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 5 You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.